How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
