Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
