guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
it's like iHOP with fire
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
