Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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