how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
