Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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