I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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