How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
