So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
