It's like God shit irony all over that family
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
