I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
