I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
