You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
