i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
