I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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