Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
