Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
