i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
