i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
