Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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