Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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