Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
