I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
