It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
