Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
