I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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