is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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