sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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