i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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