do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
