My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
