i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
