i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
