So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
