i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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