i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
