shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
