It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
