Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
