So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
