...so i touched it.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
