What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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