When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
