i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
