I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
