So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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