omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
