oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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