listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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