Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
