Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
