my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
