Swine flu. Run for my life!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
