Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
